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“Lost Love” in the Controversy
Surrounding “Big Love”
Michael Kropveld
Michael Langone, Ph.D.
(En
Français)
The TV show Big Love is the
latest installment in the growing coverage of
polygamy. Polygamy has gained widespread
notoriety since the Winter Olympics were held in
Salt Lake City in 2002. Recent media stories
have included the ongoing FBI search for Warren
Jeffs, leader of the Fundamentalist Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the escape of
former wives from polygamous enclaves, the “lost
boys” (adolescents who left or were or thrown
out of their families), and on the other side of
the spectrum, stories from polygamy
practitioners who portray it as an acceptable
and non-problematic lifestyle.
The subject of HBO TV’s new
series, “Big Love,” is the
everyday challenges of one man, his three wives,
and seven kids.
Is this the “Father Knows
Best” of the 21st Century?
What are we to infer from HBO’s
latest TV series? Has polygamy gone mainstream?
Or should we take a more cynical attitude and
reason that if it’s controversial and has sex,
it will sell?
Whatever
view one takes, it is clear that in the last few
years the media, public, and government
has focused increasing attention on this
subject.
It’s not polygamy in all
its forms that has grabbed the spotlight, though
discussion of polygamy in other cultures and
religions has been touched on. More
specifically, attention has focused on polygamy
in fundamentalist Mormon groups. Polygamy, which
appeared to be a "secret" hidden from the larger
public’s eye for so many years, has emerged,
exposing a culture that for
some is a freely chosen religious lifestyle and
for others - mainly women and children – a
prison rife with exploitation and abuse.
Fundamentalist Mormon polygamist groups are not
a recent phenomenon. They have been around
since 1890 when mainstream Mormonism stopped the
practice of polygamy. Despite this
institutional decision, “true believers”
continued living polygamy. Calling them
fundamentalist Mormons disturbs the Mormon
Church, which does not appreciate the use of
their name in conjunction with polygamist
groups. However, those polygamist groups see
themselves as the true Mormons.
Actions
of some of these fundamentalist groups have led
to governmental investigations in the United
States and Canada. Examples include:
The Primer on Polygamy:
Helping Victims of Domestic Violence and Child
Abuse in Polygamous Communities
(2005, Utah Attorney General) and a recent
Canadian report,
Polygamy in Canada: Legal and
Social Implications for Women and Children - A
Collection of Policy Research Reports
(Status of Women Canada,
C2005, Ottawa). The Canadian report was made up
of four separate reports, one of which received
extensive media coverage because of a
recommendation that Canada drop the prohibition
against polygamy. The debate about whether or
not laws against polygamy should be repealed or
decriminalized will surely continue for a long
time.
Such investigations,
however, indisputably demonstrate that some
people, especially women and children, are
harmed seriously. Even if such harm is not the
norm for such groups, there is no disputing that
the harm is real. And these people need help
now.
During the last few years
both of our organizations have responded to
scores of requests for assistance from second
generation former members. These are individuals
who were born and/or raised in high demand,
rigid, and closed groups, including some
fundamentalist Mormon groups. The problems they
face upon leaving or being kicked out of their
groups are different from those who may join
during their adolescent or adult years.
Those second generation
former members in recovery or in need of help do
not have a "pre-group personality" to return
to. Moreover, adapting to psychologically harsh
environments can result in a multitude of
problems, including extreme reactions to
authority, extensive deficits in social and
educational functioning, low self-esteem, and
conflicts with other people.
As with other social
issues, the needs of those who have the least
power are often overlooked in the controversy.
The media spotlight tends to focus on the
problems, not the solutions. Hence, even with
the increased public scrutiny of this issue,
women and children continue to suffer with
little or no recourse to adequate sources of
help.
We can easily lose
ourselves in the debate about changing or
enforcing laws. Whether or not “Big Love”
accurately reflects polygamous life or is merely
voyeuristic entertainment is secondary. We must
not forget that young children and weary mothers
trapped in isolated communities are crying
silently for help. With “Big Love” drawing so
much attention, we wonder where is the “love”
for those who need it the most.
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