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Why do People Leave
Cults?
How Can I Get My Kid
Out of a Cult?
Michael D. Langone, Ph.D.
Families and friends
of a cult-involved
person tend to ask
the second question.
Former group members
and others
interested in cults
tend to ask the
former question.
However, since the
answer to the latter
question requires an
understanding of the
answer to the former
question, we will
first explain why
people leave cults
and then focus on
the special problem
of families and
friends.
We suggest that
before proceeding
you review our
answers to the
questions: What is a
cult? Why do people
join cults?
Why Leaving is
Difficult
Cults typically
invade the normal
boundaries of those
who join, intruding
on most aspects of
the members’ lives.
Over time, cult
members give up more
and more control to
the leadership.
The social and
psychological
controls that are
associated with
brainwashing become
most conspicuous
after a person has
spent some time in a
highly manipulative
and controlling
cult. That is why
Professor Benjamin
Zablocki associates
brainwashing with
what he calls “exit
costs.” In other
words, the
brainwashing
associated with
high-control cultic
groups isn’t so much
related to how
people enter groups,
but rather to the
difficulty they have
in leaving. Lifton
has described in
detail the
characteristics of
environments that
can achieve a
totalistic level of
control over people.
In committing to a
high-control group,
persons undergo a
conversion
experience in which
their fundamental
assumptions about
self and world
change. This is a
deeper and more
extensive change
than we see in
people who are
merely obedient.
An authoritarian
leader seeks only
compliance. A cult
leader, however,
seeks compliance and
identity change.
Cult members must do
more than obey. They
must believe in the
rightness of what
they are told to do.
When the cultic
dynamic reaches its
consummation, cult
members act on their
own; orders from
leaders are
superfluous. The
members not only
accept and believe
in the system. They
make the system part
of themselves and
carry it with them
wherever they go.
Professor Rod
Dubrow-Marshall
says: “So when group
members sell their
newspapers, raise
money, persuade
people to come to
their events, sell
their house and give
the money to the
group, etc.—they do
these things because
it reinforces the
group identity that
has become such an
important part of
their
self-identity.”
For somebody so
bonded to a group,
departure that
requires a rejection
of the group is a
form of
psychological
self-mutilation, a
very high exit cost,
to use Zablocki’s
term.
Leaving
If the cost of
exiting a cult is so
high, why would
people ever leave
their groups? This
is an important
question to answer,
for research
indicates that most
cult members do
leave their groups,
although the
probability of
leaving appears to
decrease
substantially after
several years of
membership.
First of all, groups
vary tremendously on
the dimension of
control, and many
are not so “heavy
duty” that departure
involves painfully
high exit costs.
Therefore, the
question above will
not apply to many
cult members,
although even in
their less
controlling
situations, one must
still ask, “Why
leave?”
To answer our
question, let us
consider the field
of forces impinging
on cult members from
their group and from
the world outside
the group. From both
directions cult
members may feel
attractions and
repulsions.
Attractions to the
group may be
positive. Examples
include genuine
friendships, a sense
of purpose and
belonging, a strong
sense of superiority
to those outside the
group, and the
comfort of blind
obedience (in which
one no longer has to
deal with the stress
of deciding).
Attractions may also
be negative; that
is, the person
conforms to the
group in order to
avoid actual or
anticipated pain.
If, for example,
leaders subject
dissenting or
doubting members to
public humiliation,
members will tend to
comply, to stay
close to the group,
in order to avoid
that punishment.
Also, the group’s
teachings may
incline members to
expect failure in
and/or rejection by
the outside world,
should they leave
the group. Sometimes
these expectations
include supernatural
punishments (e.g.,
to spend eternity in
hell). Moreover, to
the extent members
have made the group
part of their own
personality,
rejecting the group
would entail, as
already noted, the
pain of
psychological
self-mutilation, so
members will hold
fast to the group in
order to avoid this
psychic pain.
In the member’s
mind, then, exiting
the group will
result in the loss
of positive
attractions and the
addition of pain
that could have been
avoided by obeying
leaders and
remaining a loyal
member. These are
exit costs.
Other exit costs
relate to repulsions
from the outside
world. These may
consist of fears
that the person has
avoided by “leaving
the world.” Examples
include: fear of
sexual intimacy, the
expectation of
failure in college,
not measuring up to
parental
expectations, and
the challenge of
committing to a
career. These too
are exit costs, for
the member must
confront these fears
if s/he leaves the
group, which
provides “noble”
rationalizations for
avoiding these fears
in the mainstream
world.
There are, however,
exit benefits, and
these may sometimes
come to outweigh the
exit costs.
One set of exit
benefits includes
attractions to the
mainstream world,
including emotional
bonds, stifled
interests, and the
sense of freedom
that the mainstream
world may represent
to cult members
recoiling from the
oppression of their
demanding group
life. Emotional
bonds to loved ones
and friends stay
alive within the
person, for they are
at least partly
autonomous of
cognitive
evaluations. However
much the group’s
ideology may
denigrate the
member’s “old life,”
contacts with family
and friends, may
stimulate these
emotional bonds and
create an
impulse—perhaps
unconscious—to move
toward the
mainstream world.
Contacts with people
outside the group
may also rekindle
old
interests—artistic,
intellectual,
academic, career,
sports—that were
stifled or given up
in order to meet the
group’s demands.
And the suffering a
member experiences
as a result of
his/her attempts to
conform to a
demanding and
sometimes punishing
group environment
may cause the
outside world to
look more and more
attractive as a
place of freedom.
Paradoxically, then,
the cumulative fears
of what we earlier
termed “negative
attractions” may
increase the
strength of the
outside world’s
benefits.
This impulse to
escape may be
reinforced by
repulsive forces
within the cult.
Examples include:
doubts about
beliefs, practices,
and predictions of
doom that do not
come true;
personality
conflicts with other
group members;
boredom; exhaustion;
and a growing
awareness of the
manipulative
techniques employed
to exploit the
member.
The field of forces
described above will
vary greatly from
individual to
individual and will
shift over time for
each individual.
Some may exit
smoothly. But, at
least in high
control groups, many
appear to leave with
great difficulty.
Indeed, one research
study found that 42%
of cult defectors
left covertly (e.g.,
by sneaking out in
the middle of the
night). Indeed, it
appears that for
some cult members
the pain of staying
becomes so great
that the pain of
leaving constitutes
relief.
It is no wonder,
then, that research
and clinical
experience suggest
that a large
percentage of former
cult members are in
great distress when
they leave their
groups.
What does this
mean for families
and friends?
This analysis
suggests that
families and friends
concerned about a
loved one’s cult
involvement should
keep the following
points in mind:
-
Families
and
friends
can
enhance
their
positive
influence
on a
loved
one by
understanding
the
field of
forces
impinging
on
him/her
and
developing
a
strategy
for
altering
the
cost/benefit
ratio of
these
forces.
-
Because
the cult
experience
involves
many
complex
interactions
that
change
over
time,
simplistic
assessments
of a
loved
one’s
situation
and
plans to
change
it are
not
likely
to be
helpful.
- This
complexity
also
means
that
persuading
a loved
one to
leave a
group is
rarely
easy.
- It
is often
more
realistic
to set a
goal of
improving
one’s
relationship
with the
cult-involved
loved
one,
rather
than
“getting
him/her
out”
(which
may,
however,
become a
viable
goal in
the
future).
ICSA
has a
variety
of
resources
designed
to help
thoughtful
families
and
friends
understand
and
respond
to the
complexity
of a
loved
one’s
cult
involvement.
However, because
each case should be
assessed
individually, we can
more effectively
advise you on what
resources to
concentrate on, if
we know a bit about
your situation.
Please complete a
brief questionnaire;
then we will
schedule a telephone
consultation with
one of our experts.
After you complete
the questionnaire we
will also give you
pass codes to access
a special site that
has the following
e-books:
-
Bardin,
Livia.
Coping
with
Cult
Involvement:
A
Handbook
for
Families
and
Friends.
-
Giambalvo,
Carol.
Family
Interventions
for
Cult-Affected
Loved
Ones.
-
Ford,
Wendy.
Recovery
from
Abusive
Groups.
-
Margaret
Singer
Memorial
Collection
(articles
on
psychological
and
treatment
aspects
of
cults)
-
Herbert
Rosedale
Memorial
Collection
(articles
on
social
and
legal
implications
of
cults)
We would appreciate
your supporting our
mission by becoming
a contributing
member of ICSA. It
is only through the
generous donations
of people like you
that ICSA can
continue to provide
meaningful
assistance to
members and their
families. Thank you.
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