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Overview: Families
Michael D. Langone, Ph.D.
A list of
articles and other resources on this site
follows this overview.
Families usually seek
information from us because they have a loved one
involved
in what they think might be a cult or related
group that concerns
them. (Sometimes an entire family has been in a
group or the loved one is out of the group. In
these cases, our
Former Group Members collection will
also be applicable.)
Although getting information on the
group in question has utility, it is
usually at least as important to understand the
processes that underlie group involvements. This
and other
study guides and
topic collections are designed to help
you understand these processes and provide you with background information.
In this overview we want to
call your attention to a number of points that we
believe families with an involved loved one
should keep in mind. We recommend that
you read this overview first.
Specific articles and other resources are
listed at the end of the overview, including
important definitional essays.
As you continue to explore
this field, please keep the following in mind:
Don’t jump to conclusions
and don't succumb to the allure of simple
answers. Do not rely upon popular accounts of
"cults," although these can sometimes provide
useful background information. If you want to
be informed, you must read a lot more than a
handful of newspaper or magazine articles. You
should talk to a variety of people with
relevant knowledge. And you must think things
through carefully.
When you talk to other
families who have had a cult involvement, learn
from them, but do not overlook the uniqueness
of your own situation and don't let their
confidence or fervor cause you to
overgeneralize from their cases to yours. Each
case of group involvement is a unique
interaction of a complex personality and a
complex environment.
Ask yourself this central
question: "Let's assume that your loved one is
not in a "cult"; what if any behaviors would
trouble you?" If nothing troubles you, then
you might consider reexamining your assumption
that the group is or might be harmful to your
loved one
and take a closer look at your own motivation
(maybe you merely disapprove of your loved
one's leaving the family's religion, for
example). If you do identify troubling
behaviors, try to determine if these
behaviors are at least in part a function of
what goes on in the group. This approach
enables you to focus on harmful psychological
influences without getting bogged down in a
debate about whether the group is or is not a
“cult.” Groups are very different; most large
groups exhibit differences among their various
local organizations; and people respond
differently to similar environments. Tagging a
label on the group is secondary to determining
whether or not psychologically manipulative or
abusive practices are harming your loved one.
Keep in mind that a group
member's behavior is a function of his/her
unique personality and identity and what goes
on in the group. Do not make the mistake of
assuming that your loved one is a helpless
pawn. Cultic environments can be powerful, but
they are not all-powerful.
We advise that you not
let other people talk you into believing that
cultic groups are so powerful that your loved
one will only leave if he/she is deprogrammed,
with "deprogramming" referring to a process
involving physical restraint or coercion
(distinguished from "exit counseling," “thought
reform consultation,” or “strategic interaction
approach,” in which the group member is always
free to leave). Twenty years ago, when
information in this field was very limited,
deprogramming may have seemed to be a
reasonable option to some families. Indeed, the
New York State legislature passed a
conservatorship bill (twice vetoed by the
governor) that essentially would have legalized
deprogramming. Today, deprogramming is
fortunately quite rare, in part because of the
legal risks it entails, but mainly because
helping resources are much better informed and
able to help families investigate other
options. Moreover, the evidence suggests that
deprogramming, even disregarding the compelling
ethical and legal arguments against the
process, is less effective than interventions
that don't involve restraint. Such
interventions, however, demand
much more preparation on the part of the
family. So some families today may be tempted
to try to find a "deprogrammer" because they
mistakenly think it is the easy way out. We
advise against this course of action. You may
find yourself alienated from your loved one and
involved in a costly lawsuit.
Because the majority of
group members, even those in very controlling
groups, eventually leave their groups, a
concerned family's primary role is often to
facilitate a departure that may eventually
happen anyway. In many cases families seeking
expert consultation may be able to help their
loved one a great deal without attempting an
exit counseling or other kind of intervention.
Sometimes
families can pursue a conflict resolution
strategy that makes for an improved
relationship with their loved one, even if he
or she does not leave the group. Although we respect a family's fear that
their loved one either may never come out of a
cultic situation or may be gravely damaged if
the family does nothing, we caution against
hasty actions. Except in emergency situations,
it is advisable to take the time to educate
oneself and assess your situation thoroughly
before acting.
Even though there may be
times when families may feel justifiably
helpless, their situation is rarely hopeless.
So many factors influence a person’s
relationship to a group that even those of us
who have worked in this field for years
regularly encounter pleasant surprises. So
don't give up hope. Beneficial changes in your
loved one may occur because of events that have
nothing to do with your actions (e.g., a
growing disillusionment with the group; an
accumulation of small grievances against
leaders; dissension within the group). Some
group members achieve enough independence from
their group to maintain or reestablish a
respectful and loving relationship with their
family, even though they may remain group
members. Remember, people are different and
will respond in different ways to the same
group environment, which itself can change over
time.
Take advantage of the
many resources that are now available for
families, including those available through
ICSA. The list below is a good place to
begin. We especially recommend that
you purchase, through our online bookstore,
Coping with Cult Involvement by social worker Livia Bardin (a book
review and preface are included in the
collection below). This handbook helps
families carefully assess their situation and
organize their thinking. A useful general
introduction to the cult phenomenon, also
available through our online bookstore, is
Take Back Your Life by Janja
Lalich, Ph.D. and Madeleine Tobias. Our
collection of profiles of people who
have spoken at our conferences or published in
our periodicals includes a number of helping
professionals with expertise dealing with
cultic groups. We advise people seeking
professional consultation to investigate
options to make sure that they feel comfortable
with a particular person. Sometimes state
psychological, medical, or professional
associations maintain referral lists for the
public. Even though few professionals have
much expertise with cultic groups, many can be
helpful, particularly if they have worked with
family systems or abused populations and if
they are willing to learn about cult-related
issues. Our collection for
Mental Health Professionals may
interest such therapists. Families requiring
assistance from legal professionals or private
investigators may find it helpful to consult our
legal collection.
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